PRISON WORKS!

How A Sound Approach To Crime And Punishment Means One Man’s Walk To Freedom Meant He Died Having Never Reoffended

The dignified single-fisted salute said it all. After twenty-seven years incarcerated on Robben Island a proud black man emerged into the bright African sunlight: a world historical event that apparently warranted a newsflash (entirely ruining the episode of Antiques Roadshow my mother had dutifully tuned into that Sunday evening.) Sad news emerged last week that said old black man had breathed his last at his home in Johannesburg. Whilst we are right to mourn the passing of any human being it is also correct that we should give extra kudos to this particular ex-offender. For after twenty-three years of freedom this esteemed old black passed away having never reoffended and having never seen the inside of another South African prison.

Now there have been many liberal-minded obituaries to the old black. Many have spoken of his revolutionary zeal against the proudly nationalist government of the day. Others have pointed out the fun-loving showbiz side of this decidedly perky old black - he did after all greet high calibre celebs such as The Spice Girls during his declining years (I imagine the girls were presumably doing some kind of charity gig on behalf of ex-offender charities at the time.) However the only truly insightful pieces of analysis of course come from the legacy of Right Minded insight from former Conservative MPs during the quarter-century period of punishment and rehabilitation of the old black. Lest we forget during the 1980s one leading Right Winger and head of the Monday Club bravely pronounced that the old (then imprisoned) black should be shot. Another of his colleagues stoically said that that the revolutionary group the black was aligned to were guilty of high treason. We can undoubtedly speculate that the deft machinations of firm but fair figures such as Dick Cheney who voted against the U.S Congress’s Comprehensive Anti-Apartheid Act gave the black’s morale some moral sustenance as per his rehabilitation back into society. Also the efforts of our very own PM David “Dave” Cameron should not be forgotten either. After all it was he as a go-getting young entrepreneur who decided of his own free will to make a pound or two on a South African government-sponsored trade junket back in 1989. Surely this desire to better ones self and to make a bob or two must have made the black pull his socks up “damn straight” as they say in the hip-hop world and made him reconsider his perilous position regarding his stance with regards to human rights, dignity and the fair and free treatment of all.

Now I am not suggesting that we should ignore the old black’s violent legacy. Like many of his race he was easily led astray by the whims of boxing, flighty women and profound moral justice. We should however celebrate the international conservative response regarding the efforts to pull the old black into the brotherhood of humanity. When we all cried “TREASON” surely it could only ever have assisted him in his efforts to stay away from the life of crime and dank decrepitude the old black was travelling. That being said one feels it would be churlish to ignore this old black’s efforts at recompense and remorse for his actions. When the powers that be told him to turn a dignified face towards all mankind and bask in the adulation of other such erstwhile villains as Yasser Arafat and Fidel Castro he did so. Likewise when they told him to put on a colourful shirt, attend a few rugby matches and keep on smiling he did so. The very fact that the old black was compos mentis enough to point his head in the right direction during the last world cup surely meant that the Apartheid South African policy of hard labour and short-sharp-shock really paid off in this instance.

As the world gathers around its collected television sets, laptops and ipads during this “in memoriam” bonanza we should perhaps consider the effect that the so-called “liberal” commentariat had on this former offender. The snide brouhaha of messieurs Hain and Skinner entirely eclipsed the worthwhile efforts of those such as Lord Norman Tebbit who adopted a clearly stand-firmish stance on the subject of law and order when relating to our darker brethren. In terms of the sporting embargo against the lawful South African government of the day the work of Lady Thatcher’s ennobled consort Sir Denis Thatcher ensured that a number of sporting test matches went off without a hitch. Indeed in looking at the state of play in Africa in 2013 we can be confident that none of the wishes of this leftish black have come to pass and the world can breathe a sigh of relief for all that. His apparent love of liberty, justice and vibrant colours have razed the fabric of society in southern african climbs down to the ground to the extent that merely to book a BA Business Class flight to Cape Town invites a severe dose of swine flu, AIDS and dengue fever. We can’t of course know what this ageing black’s wishes would be during the final farewell of his ultimately redeemed life. Thankfully we do know that the thoughts and prayers of international conservatives such as George W Bush, Bono and Iain Duncan Smith are with the family at this difficult time. One can only look forward to watching the international spectacle of the funeral and the voices on the all-singing, all-dancing grief-o-ganza on Sky News. Undoubtedly there will be the pronouncements of sanctimonious establishment voices such as Sir David Dimbleby and Moira Stuart but do remember to press the red button for alternative views from the right such as Sir Teddy Taylor and Luis Suarez, for without them we would surely not have been welcome to the life-affirming story of redemption that the legacy of the old black represents and in whose guilt we can truly understand the steadfast, protective clarion call from the right who after all were not to know that a cut-price black lawyer from Jo’burg would turn out to be the greatest statesman of the twentieth century. Cry it loud from the rafters of any home counties hostelry you doth frequent, because he belongs to us as much as he belongs to the assortment of lefties, long-haireds and weirdos who do his legacy such a disservice. And so say all of us! Madiba Lives!